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Tags

a cappella, blog, breakups, Facebook, google, search, social media

Hello, reader. Who are you?

Judging by my blog stats, chances are you know who I am. You probably arrived here via a link from Facebook, or from the web page of my local paper. And unless you leave me a comment, chances are I will never know it was you that stopped by. This is our unspoken agreement. I publish the words, and you read them. I’m pretty much okay with our arrangement. I’m getting used to the realization that the person with whom I’m chatting in the lunch line might already know embarrassing details about my oral hygiene or where I’m going for my next vacation. When I launched this blog I weighed the pros and cons of going incognito and ultimately decided against it. It felt somehow dishonest. It also would have allowed for some pretty interesting stories. But as I’ve said before, I don’t have much respect for anonymous online writers without filters.

One interesting feature of my blog stats is that they reveal the search terms that have led readers to my site. I am intrigued by these search terms, which have included “Ingrid Andress Boston,” “Beth Delforge,” “americaine stupide,” and “Whole Foods resignation letter.”

But what to make of the numerous Google searches for Amanda Roeder?

Do you know how many people are performing Google searches on you?

Well. Welcome to my blog, readers and searchers of all sorts. I’m not sure what you’ve been looking for, but you’ve found me.

I’m fascinated by the role of social media in the exchange of information. I’ve watched numerous political debates, controversies, and social gaffes play out in the online forum. It’s interesting how, as information becomes increasingly accessible, we seem to understand each other less and less.  And thus, we resort to the strangest ways of learning about one another.

Lately I’ve been fretting over a suitably sensitive way to deflect the unwanted online advances of one particular gentleman. I have been thus far unsuccessful in communicating my lack of interest in this very persistent person, whose interpretation of written communication is no more nuanced than his interpretation of body language. His advances are getting downright uncomfortable. I’ve considered possible ways to put a stop to it, but the thought has crossed my mind: at least he’s up front about his curiosity. I am not always so forthright.

I’ll admit it: I use social media to seek answers to the questions I don’t know how to ask in person. That’s a diplomatic way to describe an activity that most people call Facebook stalking. Yes, I do it. If you use social media, chances are you do it too. I read and re-read the tweets from certain individuals. I have a fair number of pseudo-celebrity friends in the a cappella circuit over whom I am more star-struck than I care to admit, and I watch their YouTube videos. A lot. I have scoured the Facebook profile of the one who broke my heart, searching (unsuccessfully) for some crumb of the closure he could not provide. This is what the internet was invented for, right?

So here I am, managing the delicate balance between my public and private lives, and finding the junctions where they intersect with yours. As a result, the question keeps resonating in my brain: when I type a word or name in that search bar, what am I really looking for?

Boundaries

Tags

blog, boundaries, expression, Facebook, mindfulness, Twitter, writing

You’ve probably noticed a major subscription push from me in recent days.  Since Friday I have concluded every post with instructions on how to become a blog subscriber or how to follow me on Twitter. I’ve also been posting daily subscription reminders on Facebook.

Let me be perfectly up front about one thing: I love my subscribers. I get really excited when I receive a subscription notification. I’m really flattered when someone likes my writing enough to request an email notification when I write something. Any pretense otherwise would be disingenuous.

But that’s really not why I’m encouraging you to become a follower – although I thank you, followers, most sincerely for the validation. No, the subscription drive (which will end tomorrow, I promise) is part of a larger effort to compartmentalize my life.

Last week I looked at my Facebook wall and thought it looked … cluttered. My daily blog announcements dominated the page. Which means that, for some of my Facebook friends, my blog posts are cluttering up their news feeds.

I have a few Facebook friends who blog regularly. I have some others who use social media to promote their businesses. And I have a few who neither blog nor run businesses but who simply seem to enjoy beating the same drum over and over again. The end result is always the same: after seeing too much of the same thing on my news feed, I start to mentally tune them out. In extreme cases, I hover my cursor over their post and select “unsubscribe” from the dropdown menu that appears. That’s the kinder, gentler alternative to unfriending. (And it’s also a fascinating commentary on social interaction in the digital age. What does our friendship amount to if I elect to tune out every word you say?)

Well, I mean, not you.  Of course I wouldn’t unsubscribe from your updates.

So it’s important to me that I not bombard my Facebook friends, relatives, acquaintances, colleagues, and people I pretend to like with READ MY BLOG! READ IT AGAIN! READ IT NOW!  Far more polite, I think, to provide the option of notification to those who want it and just stop hassling the ones who don’t. So tomorrow will be the last day that I post my blog entries on Facebook. Unless I occasionally write a post that I believe to be particularly worthy of sharing.

But again, that’s not my only motivation.

A major area of focus for me is the achievement of balance. I am attempting to more clearly define the boundaries of my various identities. This is a struggle that almost anyone can relate to, but I believe it has become vastly more difficult in the digital age. Computers, tablets, and smart phones (all of which I adore, btw) facilitate the blurring of these boundaries. I can check my work email at home. I can tweet at the dinner table. I can answer student queries on Facebook. And I don’t feel that any of these capabilities are inherently bad.

But I do think it’s important that one know how to move gracefully between the many identities that define a person, and I find the only way to do that successfully is to keep them separate.

I’m still figuring out where the blog fits in. It’s something that I work at, but it’s at best indirectly related to my work. It is read by many of my friends, but it is not inherently social. It is a practice that, first and foremost, is meant to stimulate my creativity and build habits of mind that have been languishing. That’s too complex for Facebook.

So if you’re curious, here’s my working list of life boundaries (current as of 7:43 pm on January 25, 2012)

• Facebook is for socializing.
• Hotmail is for junk mail.
• Gmail is for personal matters.
• Phone calls are fair game, but there is a 60% chance on any given day that I will ignore your call. Sorry. That’s just how I roll.
• Professional conversations happen on my work email, which I may or may not check at home at 10:00 pm.
• No social media, personal phone calls, or mindless web surfing at work.
•  Twitter is for promoting my blog.
• Google+ is for … I don’t know.
• No TV in the bedroom. No electronics of any kind, when possible.
• No prayer or politics at school.
• Wine does not pair with artichokes. Ever.
• No dogs on the couch. Bed is okay.

Don’t worry, I’m not asking you to memorize any of this. It’s my life to balance, not yours. But I’m curious to know what you do to ensure that your various identities remain strong and vibrant.

By the way, I still sometimes mix up my darks with my whites. It’s all a work in progress, you see.

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